Friendly reminder that chronic illness is not relaxing or enjoyable. When spoonies are lying in bed all day, it is because we are in so much pain we cannot function.
Dear Cisgender Professionals: A Rant
Dear cisgender allies working in the professional world,
Yes, I am out and I am trans and I talk about that a lot. Yes, I use my identity as a teaching tool. Yes, my research deals with trans communities, trans histories etc. I’m glad that you want to be collegial and show your support by asking me to share my time and talents with you.
But listen very carefully. I’m not going to be your go-to person for free advice every time you have a client who is exploring their gender or sexuality. I’m not going to be your Johnny-on-the-spot when you want me to come give a presentation on “those *special* people” (that you consistently call transgendered [aughhhhh!!!!!]) just so you can get your diversity boy-scout badge.
I am not your fucking commodity and yes I am being oppositional right now. I am so GD sick of this dynamic!!
I don’t get paid to be trans. You get paid to be a teacher, a non-profit leader, a psychologist whatever. I currently experience underemployment and struggle to meet my basic needs.
You want me to come do a training? Then pay for my travel expenses. You want a consultation regarding your client? Pay me to work with you as a consultant. You want me to come do a youth workshop for your school? Great! Let’s talk about how I’m going to get paid.
While I love social justice work and believe in it wholeheartedly, I can’t send my passions to the utility company. I can’t buy food with visions of change. I can’t give my doctor scripts for thinking about their privilege.
When you ask oppressed people to come and do a workshop, offer to pay them. Even if you only have a little to give. The gesture means a lot! I’ve given my time to people who’ve offered me their last $15 of their budget. I don’t expect to get paid a ton of money, but I also don’t like the dynamic where it feels like allies are simply using me and giving me a lot of platitudes in return. It feels exploitative.
You need to understand what it is you’re asking me to do. You are not entitled to my time or my body.
"Those poor boys"
"She deserves to be punished too."
"I’m not saying I support rape, but-"
"Sorry to say - she deserved it."
"She put herself in harm’s way"
"But if she was fingered, then that’s not rape."
"She ruined their lives."
"Well she didn’t exactly say ‘no’.."
"Yea, but did you see what she was wearing?"
"Boys will be boys!"
"She should know better than to drink at a party…"
Just a little something I made to remind my fellow Spoonies we all need to take it easy sometimes~
Normally, I don’t think about passing too much and passing isn’t my personal goal (though it does feel nice from time to time) but I got an unexpected gender affirmation today. I think my mind was somewhere else at the time because I was really suprised to get a “sir” at the grocery store today. I was putting my items on the belt when I heard a dudely voice ask, “Did you find everything you were look for, sir?” I looked up, feeling slightly dazed and see (what I assume to be) a tall, young, college-age man working the cash register. After I paid, he handed me a reciept and said with a genuine smile, “Have a great day, man.”
Prior to this interaction, I’ve been “sir’ed” mostly by (what I presume to be) young women. This was my first “sir” from another guy in a while.
Made my heart a little melty to have someone read my masculinity and speak to me in ways that were affirming. <3 Thanks dude at the cash register. You made my afternoon.
Since I can’t repost anything..
Oh lord… Some allies are sooooo oblivious to their privilege. The whole issue with the representations of transgender people on Arielle Scarcella is the very definition of privilege when cis folks have the power to narrowly define the dialogue. Isn’t this the definition of respectability politics?: “You can come to *our* table and when you do, you’d better behave.”
Let me tell *you* something:
I WONT BEHAVE. Not for you. Not for anybody.
No. You come to our table. You don’t demand to have a seat and you don’t assume you’re welcome. When you come to our table, you’d better bring a hot dish to share because we are starving for justice. You’d better hold a microphone up to our mouths when we’re getting shoved into the back of police cars, pushed off the stage, or used as a sound byte for political gains. You’d better be there with banners and drums as trans voices are singing and demanding justice and freedom from violence as we march in the streets. When things get hairy, you’d better be ready to use your white, middle-class homonormative privilege to buffer us from violence, even if that means some of your privileges may get revoked by a system that strives not to protect the people but maintain the status-quo. In spaces where our voices are absent and we are forbidden, you’ll carve out space for us to speak for ourselves without the expectation of reward, praise, or reciprocity because it is the right thing to do. Not because our issues serve as another line on your resume or meets a lip service commitment to “diversity” principles.
When you come to our table, you should expect us to ask questions about why you are here for suspicion is one of many tools in our survival kit (and you won’t take it personally). We’ve been burned a loads of times before. We looked away for just a second, trusting that our guests had “good intentions,” only to find that our homes had been robbed. Excuse us for not rolling out the welcome may for any Tom, Dick, or Mary who knocks on our door wearing an “ally” badge.
When you come to our table, do not expect us to use our priceless energy and time dealing with ally issues. We do not have time for your bullshit. Everyday we put on our armor and ready ourselves for battle. Though we are strong in our identities and convictions, the labyrinths of structural inequality and the arrows of transphobia, racism, classism, colonialism wear us down, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. We are struggling to feed ourselves, keep a roof over our heads, find work, get basic medical care, and stay employed. Trans people, particularly sex workers, trans feminine folks, and trans women of colors, are being viciously murdered in droves everyday. When you come to our table, remember that you are not entitled to our time and energy because it is a fucking precious resource.
When you come to our table, you will listen to us and seek out your own (un)learning. As we have learned from our trans ancestors and elders, you will come to see our voices as a form of authority through lived experience. When you come to our table, you will come with humility and the self awareness to know that you WILL make mistakes. Expect that you will make them over and over and over because you have been socialized to accept myths as truths. When you come to our table, expect to be called out and to be uncomfortable, for you’ve almost always had the privilege of being comfortable and almost never having your words and actions questioned. Do not react with guilt or defensiveness (which are one in the same) but shift your practices accordingly. If we see that you’re not, don’t expect that an invitation will be extended to you again. When you come to our table, don’t fucking hog the mashed potatoes and monopolize the dinner conversation. You’ve been socialized to take more than your fair share and you’ve been inundated with messages that teach you that you can be the leader of anything you please. When you come to our table, wait until the food has made it all the way around before partaking, well aware your pantry is well stocked; well aware that our invitation is a GIFT and not something you are entitled to have.
Being an ally is not something you say, not something you wear, or put on the internet for “likes,” or “notes.” Being an ally is something you DO and you do it without the expectation that trans folks and other marginalized and subjugated peoples will simply pat you on the back for “trying.” Being an ally is a matter of justice.
Don’t fucking expect me or anyone else in trans communities to behave for you because we won’t.
Nothing about us without us. Respect our existence or expect resistance.
Republicans talking shit AGAIN. This @GOP tweet is the literal opposite of what they believe, campaign, and how they vote.
today in bizarro world…
If you’ve been looking to bind, whether you’re transgender, non-binary, or a cosplayer, you’ve probably come across binders like these on Ebay, Amazon, or AliExpress. Usually they’re called E.V.A, SHO, Whatwears, or Ancient Fish King brands, all of which are apparently, interchangeable with each other. Ross is here to tell you that these chest binders are not much of a step up from ace bandages, which in case you hadn’t known already, are the worst thing you can do to bind your chest. So here’s the run down, from least bad to worst.
First off, the sellers are usually misinformed about why someone would use a chest binder is needed just from how they title them. Why would Lesbians want a chest binder (outside of cosplay?)? I don’t know, but most of these listings have lesbian in the name, suggesting that chest binders are for girls, not men or nonbinary. This right there should be a warning sign of a company that doesn’t know what they are doing.
The strapless binders’ model is wearing the wrong size for their chest. Their breast is popping out over the top of the binder, and I can personally say that with that binder, it is very, very, painful if you have a larger chest. After about 20 minutes, bruising and chaffing will occur, especially to those with larger chests or are heavier. In the worst case scenario, the breast will rip or pop as if it were cut with a knife.
Look at the materials used. These chest binders do not have any or enough stretchy material in them. Elastic or spandex is the best. On the ones that do have spandex, they don’t mention how much there is in the binder. This is an enormous, bright, flashing sign that the binder is NOT safe. Just how bad is it? Ace bandages likely have more elastic than these binders do, and the ace bandages can still kill you if they don’t maim you. A binder is supposed to stretch, be easily manipulated, and you must be able to take a full breath in them. I’ve bought and used two different types binders from Ebay not knowing any better, and I could barely take a breath at all. I did get larger and larger sizes, and with the same result. Putting it simply, their binders could be falling off of you because they are too big and still would not be safe.
Now I can’t show you in a picture about the next part, but what’s probably the worst about these binders is that their ‘binding’ material goes all the way around the binder. Your binder should NOT have this unless it is made to correct back posture. Sports bras can, but that is better for again, correcting back posture. So not only will you be binding your chest, but you’ll be binding your ribs, back, and shoulders as well. This can warp them and damage the tissue.
So what does a good binder look like? I’m going to use the binder I’ve had the best experience with as an example. The Ultimate Chest Binder Tank by underworks. I’ve bought two of these as I’ve needed them, I wore out my old one after a year and a half of use daily including at work.
So, straight off from the site, we know this seller is knowledgeable about their target audience. Chest binders are under the men’s section and you never see the word lesbian on any of them. The only thing marked for women under the chest binder section is a sports bra, put there because transgender men often use them for working out.
The information section on the binder isn’t just two or three lines, it’s a whole paragraph. What is this binder made of? Medical grade 70% nylon and 30% spandex knit. It says it right there and is readily available information, you don’t have to dig through the seller’s ads for cheap wholesale jewelry in the description to find it. The listing also tells us how much of each material is used, information you must have when buying a chest binder. My personal rule of thumb? If it’s under 20% spandex or elastic, it’s trash. Our listing also tells us how to put the binder on, rather than making you struggle to figure it out on your own. Size chart and customer reviews are readily available on the listing and not buried under ads for other unrelated merchandise.
Also from looking at the binder’s pictures, the front and back of the binder is made differently; the front is thicker and non transparent while the back can bee seen through a bit and is thin in comparison. This is because the front of the binder is made to compress and bind the chest and the back of the binder is not. All the binding is in the front, support in the back.
Please, know the difference between an unsafe binder and a safe one. Save your money and avoid ones found on ebay. Can’t afford a binder still? There are programs for people who cannot buy one on their own or it is unsafe for them to buy one. One such I know of is the In a Bind program, they have fantastic service if a bit slow delivery time. Remember, this program is only for transgender men and nonbinary, cosplayers will have to go elsewhere or outright buy a binder.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
i’m sorry i don’t usually comment on posts but i keep trying to tell people this over and over again and a lot of the time nobody listens (hopefully they will now because this is an excellently constructed post)
an ebay binder pushed in one of my ribs and i barely wore it for any time at all (just less than an hour for convenience in my own backyard) because i knew it was bad but it seriously injured me that quickly.
the biggest problem is most people who give these things positive reviews have NEVER HAD A SAFE, PROPER BINDER BEFORE. therefore those positive reviews cannot be trusted! they don’t know how an actual binder is supposed to feel.
this is why i urge people not to include cheap ebay binders in their giveaways, especially. it’s not a game and it doesn’t matter how “safe” you are when using them or how well you advise people- they are NOT SAFE.
don’t harm people by trying to make it seem like it’s okay just because you want a couple more followers or to give something away because it’s cheap.